MENTAL MUTHA MEETS MUMMY NEEDS TO SCREAM
MENTAL MUTHA MEETS MUMMY NEEDS TO SCREAM
Are you a mental Mum or a Mum that’s Mental?
I am a Mum that’s mental, I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy mum who couldn’t keep her shit together. That’s the problem with how mental health is perceived in our country.
What do you do when you feel Overwhelmed?
I am awful when I feel overwhelmed, I go into shut down mode and push everyone away, it’s really sad but at that point all I focus on is making sure the kids are happy and alive. The feeling floods my body and it takes me into a dark place where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I overthink every possible scenario and how it could affect me, hence the shutting everyone out.
If they can’t get to me, they can’t hurt me.
Do you discuss your mental health with your Mum mates?
I have a select few friends who ‘know’ the whole truth about my mental health, but I feel sometimes opening up that people will judge me?
Like maybe I’m an unfit mother or a crappy person, I think that’s linked to the stigma of mental health and how people feel about it.
How do you tackle mental health chats with your kids?
This probably sounds really bad but I haven’t ever sat down and had the chat with them, they know mummy goes to the doctor but never what for, if that makes sense. I just feel they have so much going on in their lives with school etc that I don’t want ‘mummy being ill’ to be a worry. Maybe because it’s mental illness it’s easier to hide than a broken leg and people don’t continually ask if your ok.
My daughter, who is 8, did notice my lack of eating and said she couldn’t eat more as she might get fat, that’s when it hit home how much the little things that you don’t think of can affect your little people :(
Who helps you in the Dark?
My mum ALWAYS.
As much as I want to say my partner it would be a lie, because I feel he doesn’t ‘understand’ mental health like my mum or GP. She has lived it and felt it, she saw me at the point when thought of ending my own life because I felt so alone and worthless. She has washed my hair and made me toast, she has helped with the kids when I didn’t want to move and she has moved me into her home to take care of me without a second thought.
She is my best friend and I don’t think I would be here today without her.
What Helps you in the light?
When I have a good day I love to spend time with people close to me, I love to take the kids out, drink coffee and play in the park. I love to cook a nice meal or make a big cheese board and sit having a floor picnic with some wine. The good days feel so few and far between sometimes but when you have one of those days, it feels bloody amazing.
Is it hard to talk about your mental health?
Hmmm this is a hard one, I have two or three close friends that I can tell when I’m having a ‘bad’ day but apart from that I keep my head down, I do school run in and out and try to avoid contact with other people. I still have anxiety and that makes me feel like people will judge me or have an opinion.
I find it so helpful writing on my Blog and sharing snippets on Instagram, mainly because I have got so many messages from other Mums saying how much they are suffering but they haven’t got help, or even that I have helped them and that gives me so much warmth because I don’t feel alone and I don’t feel stupid for having these feelings.
Where’s my head at right now?
Today has been ok, I feel my head is above water so that to me, is ok.
I’m not going to lie, I do find having 3 children home really tests me sometimes especially when I am feeling a little fragile but we still have giggles and eat pancakes for breakfast. I took my daughter for hot chocolate and shopping this morning (That’s enough to drive anyone bloody mental) then we came home to make lunch and have a lazy afternoon of films and making flapjack. This ended in my eldest two screaming at each other over time on the Xbox, Theo (two) emptying the contents of every fricking toy box downstairs over the floor and the puppy eating my socks and trying to kill itself by eating tiny bits of Lego but apart from that I do try to make the best of each day, which can be hard when in your head you live in a very negative place.
Soft Play or Rehab?
Soft play always, only place I can get a hot coffee and drink it without a small person attached to me.
Jacobs Creek or a Jacobs Cracker?
Occasionally a Jacobs Creek but can’t beat a Jacobs Cracker on a Saturday night with a cheesy floor picnic. Rock and roll life
Nut job or Nut Allergy?
Nut Job and Happy to admit it :)
Self Care or Self Sabotage?
Self Sabotage, I am my own worst enemy and only have bad things to say about most things I do. It’s proper shit but it’s the truth, I pick out every fault I can find with the way I look,my body, my relationships anything, it actually gets pretty tiring.
Journal or Jog?
Journal defiantly. I got A Bee’s Knee’s Journal for Christmas as a present as really wanted to work on mindfulness and finding the positives in each day. I am pretty crap at remembering to do it but when I do I really love it. It has colouring as well which I think really clears my mind and I enjoy it. I would definitely recommend it!
Ask for help or happy to hermit?
Happy to hermit, I hate talking and hate asking for help. I am ashamed of my illness as it’s mental. I just feel I need to get on with it but it gets sooooo hard sometimes. The people who don’t know you think your fine even though you actually want to cry. That’s been my biggest problem - opening up, because every time I do someone has seemed to let me down, so I’ve got very good at shutting down and keeping myself to myself.
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Women talking unashamedly about their mental health and parenting innit.