MENTAL MUTHA MEETS KATIE PEARSON
MENTAL MUTHA MEETS KATIE PEARSON
Are you a mental Mum or a Mum that's mental?
I'm a Mum that's mental. My anxiety started to develop whilst I was pregnant. Once my son was born the anxiety became overwhelming and along with it I slipped into a very dark place. I was going to take my own life when I was then admitted onto a mother and baby unit. I am now home and in recovery. Dark days still find me but they thankfully don't last.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?
Sometimes I take myself away from the situation. The thing I do most often? Take a deep breath. It sounds silly but it brings me back into the moment and it helps a enormous amount.
Do you discuss your mental health with your mum mates?
Not really. Not in real life conversation. About from how are you? How are you doing? It's pretty brief.
How do you tackle mental health chats with your kid's?
Well my little boy is only 7 months so we more just chat about humpty dumpty and incy wincy spiders. But as he gets older I'm going to talk to him about how he can always tell me how he's feeling. How it's ok to cry and feel sad. I want him to know, and any future children I may have that talking to anyone, it doesn't have to be me, if they aren't feeling themselves in any way will help. I want them to know that it is not shameful to develop a mental health illness. That it is the same as having a physical one. They can get help and they will recover. I guess I'm going to talk about it like everyday conversation. It doesn't have to be a 'big thing', I want them to feel like they can talk to me about anything so mental health is no different. They can ask any questions and I'll answer them to my best ability.
Who helps you in the dark?
My son, my partner, my friends. My son made me the happiest person alive. Then my world came crashing down because I started to have intrusive thoughts about him and myself. Ashamed and disgusted with myself, I wanted to die. I was given the choice of going to an acute mental health ward where my son could visit for 2 hours a day or to go to a mother and baby unit. I didn't have to think about it for a second. The darkest times, I would cling to my beautiful boy. I would hold him, sing to him, stroke his face. They way he looks at me, his smile, his eyes, everything about him. He helps me feel a love I've never known, which in turn brings out a strength in me that I never knew I had.
What helps you in the light?
Mindfulness, getting outside, seeing my loved ones. The beach, watching the sea, it's my favorite place in the world. Having a bit of time to myself too; having a bath or having a hot cup of tea whilst watching a film. Also big thing - sleep! To quote Steph from Don't buy her flowers; "Naps save lives." They really bloody do.
Is it hard to talk about your mental health?
I do find it hard to talk to some people about it yes. I have heard the terms 'nutter', 'mad house' etc very recently and it physically hurts me when I hear it, it's like being punched in the stomach. On social media I'm not so scared. I find writing on my blog so helpful for me. I do sometimes feel apprehensive after posting something regarding my mental health. I worry, what will people say? What will they think of me? But it's a lot easier than talking face to face. I think I create this persona that I am brave, I can talk about it but with some people I shy away, because I start to talk and then I think; 'I am never going to change their mind on this. They are never going to see it or understand it unless they go through it themselves.' I think we still have a long way to go.
Where's you head at?
A the moment, I feel like I'm calm. But I lack motivation and I'm struggling to feel at home and to find myself. I feel a little bit lost. I'm happy, I'm calm and at peace but I'm just trying to find myself. I feel anxious about the future but I try not to think about it too much and live in the moment.
Soft play or rehab?
Jacobs Creek or a Jacobs Cracker?
Nut job or Nut allergy?
Self care or self sabotage?
Journal or jog?
Ask for help or happy to hermit?
Ask for help. - Always.
If you'd like to read more conversations with Mental Muthas, click HERE.
Women talking unashamedly about their mental health and parenting innit.