All in Mental Mutha Health

SURVIVING WITHOUT BOOZE

Basically, I don't remember a time when I wasn't keeping some kind of feeling or thought hidden away, or conditioning myself to hide my feelings and put on my game face. I used to blame my love of alcohol on the lack of stable, responsible and healthy father figures, and the normalization of booze and drugs from an early age. And sometimes I would even let myself believe that I was somehow predestined to be an alcoholic because that's just “what we did”.

MY OLD FLAME

For me, anxiety started as that feeling of rocking on your chair a little too hard and tipping over the point of balance. If you manage to catch yourself before it’s too late the relief is almost euphoric, if you don’t, you end up in a heap on the floor, aching.

BACK TO SCHOOL BLUES

I was starting to get scared, scared of my inability to have fun with my kid anymore. How was I supposed to fill his day? I am not a Butlins red coat! I'm depressed. I can 'extrovert' when I need to, but 6 weeks is a long time for me to wear the mask without a slip.

LIVING WITH LIFE AND LOVE AFTER LOSS

Life after loss, pregnancy after loss, love after loss… I still struggle with these daily but I also conquer them too. I still have panic attacks, I still struggle without my Heaven Husband and My Heaven Son, I still carry that hurt and pain in my heart, so heavy, but I also live my life to the fullest for them.

POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS

I blanked out that I had just given birth and this was my third child. In my mind I had two children and this baby was a doll that I had been given as an experiment. I thought that our road had been cordoned off by police because I was a massive risk. I was in denial.

EVERYTHING IS AMPLIFIED IN MOTHERHOOD

I have always just about managed my mental health, teetering on the edge but never becoming seriously unwell.
Low self-esteem, self doubt, social anxiety, regular worrying and occasional sadness has always affected my life and career, but no way as badly as it does for anyone else. This is what I would say to myself to avoid addressing it anyway.

BEING RICH, FAMOUS AND HAPPY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T BE DEPRESSED

There’s a core assumption in this week’s news that money buys happiness, and let’s go along with that for a moment, there’s also a second statement being made here that I find even more aggravating - that happiness and depression can’t co-exist. The happiness that wealth affords, and even the comfort that a supportive family and friend network can give you is not always enough to combat the all encompassing aspects of depression.

ENDLESS CRAPPY DAYS

I was experiencing fear on an epic scale but had absolutely no explanation for it. There was no danger, no trigger, nothing happening to me at that very moment. It was completely inexplicable and irrational, but very, VERY real. At least it was my life until I started a challenge that was doing the rounds on social media. It was the ‘100 Happy Days’ challenge where you had to take a photo a day of something happy for the full hundred days. I decided to give it a go, and I honestly haven’t looked back since. The endless crappy days became the endless happy days.