LIVING WITH LIFE AND LOVE AFTER LOSS

Life after loss, pregnancy after loss, love after loss… I still struggle with these daily but I also conquer them too. I still have panic attacks, I still struggle without my Heaven Husband and My Heaven Son, I still carry that hurt and pain in my heart, so heavy, but I also live my life to the fullest for them.

MENTAL MUTHA MEETS NICOLA GIBB

Becoming a mother has both helped my mental health and made me much more aware of it. I have more purpose than ever before but the overwhelm can sometimes lead to me thinking I am going fucking crazy and sticking a label on myself that doesn’t actually apply. I am a mother feeling overwhelm.

POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS

I blanked out that I had just given birth and this was my third child. In my mind I had two children and this baby was a doll that I had been given as an experiment. I thought that our road had been cordoned off by police because I was a massive risk. I was in denial.

MENTAL MUTHA MEETS MUMMY IN TRAINING

I am definitely a mental Mum. It is something that has taken me a long time to accept though. I have suffered with anxiety pretty much since I gave birth and for the first couple of years I felt like a full on failure. Now, however I’m okay with it. I’m still a good Mum. Yes, I suffer with my mental health. Yes, things are sometimes harder than I’d like and yes, anxiety is crap.

MENTAL MUTHA MEETS EMMA WEIR

My therapist and doctor helped get me out of the dark, they helped me to accept my emotions around moving to Australia. I felt so guilty and pathetic, like an annoying fly buzzing around a perfectly made G&T - I’m living in paradise, what was I complaining about? Normally I would talk to my husband or my Mum, my friends, but I couldn’t – I felt ridiculously disconnected. 

MENTAL MUTHA MEETS HOLLY SUTCLIFFE

I find it pretty easy on instagram but harder in real life; I like the distance writing brings. I can certainly mention things to friends and family in person but I often find conversations about my mental health difficult. Mainly because people will be worried or try and offer solutions or help and- usually- I don’t want or need that.

EVERYTHING IS AMPLIFIED IN MOTHERHOOD

I have always just about managed my mental health, teetering on the edge but never becoming seriously unwell.
Low self-esteem, self doubt, social anxiety, regular worrying and occasional sadness has always affected my life and career, but no way as badly as it does for anyone else. This is what I would say to myself to avoid addressing it anyway.

BEING RICH, FAMOUS AND HAPPY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T BE DEPRESSED

There’s a core assumption in this week’s news that money buys happiness, and let’s go along with that for a moment, there’s also a second statement being made here that I find even more aggravating - that happiness and depression can’t co-exist. The happiness that wealth affords, and even the comfort that a supportive family and friend network can give you is not always enough to combat the all encompassing aspects of depression.

ENDLESS CRAPPY DAYS

I was experiencing fear on an epic scale but had absolutely no explanation for it. There was no danger, no trigger, nothing happening to me at that very moment. It was completely inexplicable and irrational, but very, VERY real. At least it was my life until I started a challenge that was doing the rounds on social media. It was the ‘100 Happy Days’ challenge where you had to take a photo a day of something happy for the full hundred days. I decided to give it a go, and I honestly haven’t looked back since. The endless crappy days became the endless happy days.

I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED

My second child was born sixteen months later and I pretended that everything was ok. I was just tired physically and mentally, but that’s normal isn’t it!! I told myself it would get better as time went on. But by then the panic attacks had started. The nightmares kept coming and my anxiety was over whelming. I knew I had to speak to someone.

MENTAL MUTHA MEETS KATIE PEARSON

I started to have intrusive thoughts about him and myself. Ashamed and disgusted with myself, I wanted to die. I was given the choice of going to an acute mental health ward where my son could visit for 2 hours a day or to go to a mother and baby unit. I didn't have to think about it for a second.